Stages of Grief (Mourning): How to Understand Your Feelings

Grief is a natural and normal human response to loss. It is a process of emotional adjustment that unfolds in several stages, helping the mind and body cope with the death of a loved one, a family member, a pet, or even major life crises such as losing a job or a home. Although everyone experiences grief differently, researchers have identified five main stages of mourning. The ability to recognize these stages in yourself and others can help you better understand your emotions and cope with the pain of loss.

The five main stages of grief are explained by experts interviewed by Vilnius Funeral Home.

The 5 Stages of Grief

The five-stage model of grief was first introduced in 1969 by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying. She developed this theory based on her extensive experience working with terminally ill patients.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified five stages of grief:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Let’s take a closer look at each stage.

STAGE 1: Denial

Denial is the stage during which a person refuses to accept reality. It differs from simple misunderstanding—it is a defense mechanism that protects us from overwhelming shock and emotional pain. In grief, denial can even be helpful, as it gives us time to process and gradually absorb difficult information.

Examples of denial:

• Refusing to acknowledge the death.
• Avoiding conversations about the loved one’s passing.
• Insisting that the loss is unfair or that the source of the news is unreliable.

STAGE 2: Anger

Once a person begins to accept the reality of death, anger often follows. Anger is a common emotional response and may be directed at oneself, family members, doctors, God, or even the deceased. Although this anger may feel hurtful to others, it is a natural and necessary stage of grieving.

Examples of anger:

• Blaming relatives for inadequate care or lack of support.
• Feeling anger toward God or spiritual forces.
• Blaming oneself for not helping in time.
• Mood swings and impatience.

STAGE 3: Bargaining

During this stage, people often feel helpless and overwhelmed. Thoughts such as “What if…?” or “If only…” are common. Because control over events has been lost, attempts to regain it may take the form of internal negotiations, which can be irrational.

In the bargaining stage, a person may try to make deals with themselves, with God, or with spiritual forces.

Examples of bargaining:

• “If I had encouraged them to see a doctor earlier, they would still be alive…”
• “If I had spent more time with them, I would have noticed something was wrong…”
• “God, if you bring them back, I promise I will never lie again…”

STAGE 4: Depression

Depression during grief is characterized by deep sadness and hopelessness. While earlier stages may shield us from the full emotional weight of loss, this stage can feel like sinking into a state of apathy.

Symptoms of depression may include:

• Persistent sadness.
• Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities.
• Sleep disturbances.
• Significant weight changes.
• Lack of energy.
• Restlessness.
• Difficulty concentrating.
• Feelings of worthlessness or excessive self-blame.

STAGE 5: Acceptance

Acceptance is considered the final stage of Kübler-Ross’s theory. At this point, we begin to come to terms with the loss. Acceptance does not mean the pain disappears, but rather that we stop fighting the reality of grief. Energy gradually shifts toward cherishing positive memories of the deceased and finding ways to continue living while honoring their memory.

How to Respond After Recognizing Grief Symptoms

Many grieving individuals withdraw from family and friends, feeling lonely even if they do not admit it. A person may become more passive, emotionally distant, or even irritable, avoiding conversations or social interactions.

It is important to remember that grief is unique to each individual. Learning to recognize and cope with grief is essential for both physical and mental health.

What may help:

• Create a comforting daily routine: healthy eating, exercise, and maintaining a consistent sleep schedule can help restore a sense of control.
• Recall positive memories of your loved one.
• Honor their memory in a meaningful way: gather friends for a dinner to share joyful stories, create a photo album or memorial, organize an exhibition, concert, or event if they were a creative person.
• Engage in activities that bring you joy: sports, dancing, painting, cooking, meeting friends.
• Read books and psychological literature about grief.

Above all, remember that intense emotions such as anger, fear, apathy, and sadness are completely normal reactions to loss. Allowing yourself to feel them is part of the healing process. This is a natural and healthy expression of mourning.

Vilnius Funeral Home provides comprehensive professional funeral services, including handling death documentation, cremation, viewing hall rental, decoration, transportation, repatriation of remains, as well as urns, caskets, clothing, and other necessary items for a dignified farewell. Our funeral organizers are ready to take care of all practical matters so you can devote more time to honoring your loved one.