How to Help a Child Cope with the Loss of a Loved One

Children grieve too. Although it may be more difficult to help children cope with these painful emotions while you yourself are mourning the loss of a loved one, it is very important to give a child enough time to understand the situation, recognize their emotions, and be informed about the feelings and mood changes they may experience in the future. We share several important tips from experts interviewed by Vilniaus Laidojimo Namai on how to talk to children about death and help them cope with grief more easily.

How to Explain Death to Children

When talking to a child about death, it is important to be gentle, yet honest and open. Specialists advise using as little figurative language as possible, because euphemisms such as “he went to heaven” or “fell asleep forever” and other symbolic expressions may be misunderstood by a child and cause fear or anxiety. When explaining the concept of death, it is not necessary to reveal all the facts that might frighten them. Adjust your words and expressions to language appropriate for their age and observe the child’s emotions.

Younger children may not fully understand the reality of death, but they can still sense the heavy atmosphere, sadness, and stress around them. It is helpful to encourage the child to ask questions that concern them — this will help you better understand what information is relevant to them.

It is also advisable to openly share your own feelings with the child. It is important to understand that adults’ gloomy moods and suppressed emotions, which a child cannot interpret, may also cause fear. Therefore, be open and clearly explain why you feel the way you do. Do not worry too much about giving the “perfect” answers — what matters most to a child is your support, emotional connection, and a rational explanation of the situation. Show gentle emotions, hug your child, and let them know that under any circumstances or if they have questions, they can always turn to you.

Should Children Attend Funerals?

There is no single correct answer. It depends on the family’s perspective and the circumstances. For more sensitive children, it may be difficult to remain in a viewing hall surrounded by grieving relatives. However, a child may also feel excluded if they do not attend the funeral. Therefore, participation in a funeral is a highly individual decision. Talk with your child, explain the concept of death, and help them decide whether or not they wish to attend.

If the child decides to attend, you can explain that it will be a farewell to a beloved grandfather, grandmother, aunt, or another dear person, and that you will honor their memory by recalling the brightest moments of their life and achievements. It is also very important not to force a child to do anything they do not want to do, such as approaching an open coffin or attending Mass. Sometimes just a few or several minutes are enough to pay respect to the deceased and grieving relatives, so that the experience does not become traumatic for the child.

If the child does not attend the funeral, you can suggest alternative ways to express their emotions and feel included in the farewell — for example, drawing a picture that reflects their feelings and memories. You may also set aside time to share memories of the deceased together.

How to Help Children Cope with Loss After the Funeral

A funeral is not the end of grief; it is only part of the healing process. After losing someone especially close, such as a mother or father, a child may experience sadness and grief for a long time.

It is completely normal for a grieving child to behave differently for a period of time: they may start wetting the bed again, sucking their thumb, having nightmares, or asking for reassurance that you will not die and leave them. Children often find it very difficult to stay with their feelings, so in this situation, adult support, understanding, help, and presence are essential. It is very important that adults do not try to push death and grief out of everyday life or treat these circumstances as taboo. The best approach is to talk openly with the child about emotions and memories — this will help them cope more easily with the painful experience.

Some Tips for Adults:

Do not leave the child alone or withdraw into your own grief. It is necessary to talk with the child, explain what happened and why they are feeling certain emotions. Do not simply send the child away to grandparents or other relatives for a period of time.

Talk about the past. Encourage the child to share memories of the deceased: what they used to do together, what traditions they had, where they liked to go (cafés, playgrounds, cinemas, libraries, etc.), what made them laugh, and how they feel about that person now. Share your own memories as well.

Allow emotions to be expressed. Do not suppress the child’s feelings or tell them not to cry — on the contrary, allow them to openly express their sadness, to cry, and to grieve. Do not hide your own emotions and tears either; share them openly and show that feeling sad is normal.

Allow the child to “play funeral.” Through play, children most clearly express their emotions. Play can help them process difficult feelings and come to terms with death. Do not be surprised if the child buries dolls or toys in the sand, cries, or becomes angry.

Read stories and fairy tales. Read stories about death together. It can also be helpful to share your own childhood experiences of loss — how you felt and what helped you at the time.

To make this time of loss easier, we invite you to entrust all funeral-related arrangements to the organizers at Vilniaus Laidojimo Namai. We provide comprehensive funeral services: from transportation of the deceased, documentation handling, cremation, and preparation of viewing halls, to coffins, urns, and other essential services for a respectful farewell to someone important in your life.